Notes from the middle ground

Amy CT — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 17:05:20 +0000

Guest post by Caroline of Second Hand Shopper.

Hi, I’m Caroline, and I’m indescribable. I can’t be called fat (though it has been known to happen…) and I can’t be called slim, because, well, I’m not. I’m a size 16 in most clothes (though I tried on two size 16 pencil skirts at lunch time that would strongly deny it) making me square on average sized for this island we Brits call home. And clothes were not made to fit me.

I learned long ago that clothes sizing on the British high street is there to cause shoppers as much stress and frustration as possible. Alongside said too tight skirts this lunchtime I did actually make a purchase, a lovely grey work dress that fits like a glove. In a size 12.

When picking out clothes it’s the overall proportions that dictate whether something will fit me. What this means in practicality is that a lot of the time clothes cut for the high street are not cut for my form, that I’m too hippy for the average store’s size 16 but too narrow-waisted for the smallest plus size fitting. What this means emotionally is that shopping can reduce me to a state of complete self-loathing as I dissolve into tears on the fitting room floor.

The word “fat” has become something of an expletive in modern society. We describe women as curvy or voluptuous, men as heavy set or sturdy, children as chubby or as carrying puppy fat… We bring out “fat” only when being vindictive or vitriolic, to sting or berate. “Fat” is a word I pull out when I want to torture myself, a stick I use to beat myself into submission when my wavering hand is reaching for the cheese at 10pm. It’s a short, sharp, shock of a word that can bring down the most beautiful, successful and independent of women and stop my greed in its tracks.

And we need to undo this evolution of meaning, to give fat back over to its purpose as an adjective rather than an insult. The way to do this is often seen to be to embrace “fat” a la Beth Ditto, and learn to love bodies for all the amazing things they do for us – whatever their shape.

But what if fat doesn’t embrace you back?

That’s where the issue lies for indescribables. Because neither fatties nor skinnies will take us. We are the ultimate rejects, uncared for, uncatered for and unloved.

Poor body image, we are told, affects us all. A recent blog post [http://secondhandshopper.wordpress.com/2010/02/12/wide-load/] I wrote about being overweight and its effect on everyday activities like eating in public, travelling by train and sounding out of breath after a brisk walk, provoked comments, tweets, emails and conversations from dozens of women simply stating “that’s EXACTLY what goes through MY brain”. It also provoked comments from women at the other end of the spectrum, who happily confessed to being equally aware of what others might be thinking of them. Everyone, it seems, has their own personal vendetta against their body, their face, their hair...

But what no-one ever tells you is that it doesn’t have to be this way. Almost a year ago now, a Times Online article lead me to write another body-image inspired blog post following their comments about the amazingly beautiful Christina Hendricks (see image). The article was the oft-churned-out “curves are coming back” fluff, and heralded Joan Holloway (Christina’s character in Mad Men) as the ideal example of the new shape, while deriding Christina Hendricks for being “big” (an opinion recently reiterated to many a blogger’s disgust by a commenter on the Daily Mail website):

Image: HERE

“Every time Christina Hendricks (Joan in Mad Men) is interviewed and photographed in contemporary clothes, you are reminded that casual, undone and edgy do no favours for the hourglass figure. In that early 1960s look, with asset-packing sheath and immaculate up-do, any woman would die to look like her. But in a thigh-skimming asymmetric number with a frill down the front or, God forbid, jeans and T-shirt, she looks like the big girl who doesn’t quite have what it takes.”

(Source: HERE)

I’m sorry, what was that now? “The big girl who doesn’t quite have what it takes”?? Have you seen this woman?

Thankfully, unlike other “curvy” celebrities, Christina seems to have a truly healthy relationship with her shape. In the feature the image is lifted from, she states unequivocally that she was, until the media started waxing lyrical, completely oblivious to the fact that her body looked any different to any other actress’s. In fact, she’s fed up with her body being centre stage and would like to just please drop it already.

Which we could all learn from. Our bodies are all unique. And every one of them does the miraculous job of holding us up every single day, of mastering as many as five senses, of letting us work and play and laugh and cry and live. If we really want to expend so much energy thinking about our bodies, wouldn’t we be infinitely better off using it to sing their praise?

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Notes from the middle ground