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So, the ebook is finally here. It's Wednesday 31st March 2010. It's been three months since we began this crazy campaign, and it's been incredible. We've loved every minute, and we'll be really sad to see it go - but we're very proud of what we've done, too.
We hope you've enjoyed it as much as we have - and we hope you'll like our farewell present, too!
Here we go again. There's a photograph online of a slightly-larger-than-is-typical model and out come the comments. You know the ones I mean - they appear almost every time a larger model is brought to people's attention. 'It's nice to see a real woman for a change' 'Finally! A real woman, not one of those stick insects' 'Hooray, she has curves, like a real woman'.
Ugh. Can we please stop this? Whether we're tall or short, slender or larger, black or white, with disabilities or without, flat-chested or large-breasted, none of us is made from spacedust and marzipan. We are all real. There is not one single female body type from which only the unworthy deviate. That 5'11" slender soul gliding along the catwalk? She's as real and as much of a woman as you, me, and Marilyn Monroe. Is she representative of the whole of womankind? Well no, no more so than you or I. But not being everywoman (and who can be that?) doesn't make her less of a woman.
At 5'4" and a UK size 12-14, I'm never going to have a typical model look, so you'd think that I've no vested interest, that it doesn't wound me when someone with a very slender body is dismissed with a 'someone feed her a sandwich'. It does wound me, though. I'd argue that it wounds you too, whatever your shape, height and size.
It's highly desirable for women of all shapes and sizes to have greater prominence in the media, I think we can all agree on that. But we should be calling for exactly that, not slapping down the slender-framed while the curvier among us try to get a foothold. 'Fat cow' might be a horrible thing to call someone, but so is 'stick insect'. It's no less hurtful to tell a slim woman she'd be better if she put on weight than it is to tell an overweight woman that she'd be better if she lost some.
And why on earth do we think it's our business anyway?
Women's bodies, often the honed and toned bodies of models and actresses whose trade is in their looks (and that's a frankly depressing state of affairs that could be the subject of a whole different article), are everywhere for our consumption. We are encouraged to pick them apart, to make comparisons: between us and them, between them-at-the-oscars and them-nipping-out-for-a-pint-of-milk, between any one of them at various weights, between two arbitrarily selected women who happened to have a similar dress on, and so on. Women's bodies are under so much scrutiny in the media that it's no wonder we often place our own under a microscope and find it wanting. But it hurts all of us to buy into this rather than fight against it. We're none of us here for anyone else's entertainment, and we all have differences which should be celebrated and not sloughed, sliced or siphoned away.
Frankly, how dare one woman suggest that another is not a proper woman, just because hers is a different sort of beauty? How dare we think it's acceptable to insult the attractiveness of someone just because they don't look like us? It's a cliche, but the more you really look at the women in your life the more you realise it's true: we are all beautiful. It's no single woman's fault that her body type or colour is being held up to us as a standard, and we shouldn't pillory anyone for fitting that ideal, any more that we should pillory those who are the opposite of that ideal. Let's face it, larger ladies don't seem to get any better a deal than their svelte sisters. If you'll pardon the pun, there's a really narrow field of 'acceptable' when it comes to typical ideas of women's bodies and that hurts all of us.
It's taken me most of my 32 years and an awful lot of tears and soul-searching to realise that I, too, am an attractive woman (and I've typed and deleted that 8 times so far, it feels so alien to dare to say), wobbly stomach and fluctuating weight and all. I never did achieve Cindy Crawford's amazingly toned stomach and arms, and my legs didn't magically grow several by several inches, but I'm decent looking, and I'm neither more nor less real than she is. The idea that many pre-teen girls of today will be just the same as I was if we, their older sisters, mothers and mentors, don't do something about it is frankly appalling.
So the next time you come across one of those comments about 'real women', then unless it's coming from the uber-exciting forthcoming magazine Basse Mode and therefore means only 'not airbrushed into plasticism and drowning in clothes worth more than my car' (that's another whole different article...), do real women of all shapes and sizes a favour.
I don't think that quote has ever been more fitting than in the case of Melissa Smith. She got in touch to tell me her remarkable story about how despite a disability, which causes the equivalent of third degree burns on her body each day, she has embraced her body and a sense of style.
I was born with a rare genetic skin blistering condition, called Epidermolysis Bullosa (or EB as it’s better known). The best way I can describe it, at least the type I have, is waking up every day with new second degree burns, caused by smallest amount of friction or trauma, like turning over in bed. The effects of EB are incredibly visible; I have to wear bandages covering my limbs, I regularly have blisters and wounds on my face and neck, my left eye is scarred, and I’m often in my wheelchair.
As you can imagine, this can have a devastating effect on one’s body image and self-esteem. Especially when people decide to stand staring and pointing in public, or ask the ever-tactful question “what’s wrong with you?” I’m happy for people to ask, but phrasing is important!
But among the things that make me happy are clothes. I love clothes. I adore them, and I always have!! I am a qualified practitioner of retail therapy, and I happily brush up on my shopping skills at every available opportunity. I love the look, the feel, even the smell of clothes, all a part of anticipating the first time you will wear them. Several of my friends have requested that, should anything happen to me, I bequeath my extensive wardrobe to them. Which is a bit worrying, now I think about it…!
At face value, an entire day spent shopping often seems like a vacuous waste of time, but clothes and accessories can have almost magical powers. They can make you feel on top of the world, when really it’s resting on your shoulders, and they can help you to love parts of your body that you usually loathe. For example, my feet are a source of great pain to me, but when I look down at my beloved biker boots or patent wedges…all is forgotten (for a while at least!). My belly, distended because several surgeries, is much less troubling when underneath my favourite French Connection or Ducie dresses. And why would anyone stare at my hands when they can look at a gorgeous, one-off bracelet? When I want to hide my sore neck, it’s just an opportunity to wear a great scarf or cowl-neck knit.
Clothes make people look at me differently, but in a positive way. More and more often people ask not why I wear my bandages, or why I’m in my wheelchair, but who made my jacket or where I got my dress. How I dress allows me to embrace the fact that I stand out from the crowd, and use it to my advantage. Clothes and accessories level the body image playing field in many ways, too. I mean, how many women are lucky enough to be able to pull off every style, colour, material? Being short, very long earrings and maxi dresses will never do me any favours, but that’s nothing to do with my disability! Yes there are styles and cuts that do more for my body image than others (shorts and tights? Yes! Bodycon? No!), and I can’t wear sleeveless tops without a shrug of some sort, or heels bigger than an inch-and-a-half. But when I wear my favourite outfit, I feel like I could dance down the street, singing “I’m Every Woman”. Because we are all the same really, aren’t we? Our hang-ups are just concentrated on different areas, or sparked by different events. We just need to know our bodies, and how to work with them, not against them.
What we wear can be a great medium for making statement, whether about politics, religion, culture or ethics. But I think the most important statement we can make, in this age of what borders on body fascism is, simply, “I feel great about myself today”.
I'm taking care of BSB for the next few day's while Amy is lucky enough to be at London Fashion Week. Her task for me was to find two guest bloggers, the first of which is for today. I'm lucky enough to know the brilliant Alli Denehy of What Alli Thinks, she bravely agreed to talk about how she viewed her own body as a growing teen and how things have changed.
Being a teenager is supposed to be the best time of your life. You are believed to become an individual. Your body grows in all sorts of weird and wonderful ways that we just can’t help. It’s how we are supposed to be.
Recently I stumbled upon this picture when looking for underwear online and it’s transformed my opinion of plus size women. I’ve always thought I’d have to hide away under my clothes, not show off anything because I had convinced myself that no one would want to look at me. I thought they would be disgusted and appalled by it. Well I was wrong, I have now found a pair of and I’m not afraid to show off my curves.
Fashion and style is all about you feeling comfortable with yourself. Not what everyone else is doing or wearing. Do what you want to do because people will love you more for being yourself then being one of the many clones.
Whatever day of the week it is you should feel in love with yourself. Self confidence will get you so far in life.
1.Write a list of three things you hate about yourself. Even if it just the way your hair flicks out the wrong way at the end to the way your hips stick out. Mine would be these...
- My thighs and the fact I have to wear size 16 trousers because of them
- Broad shoulders, halter tops are a no-no in my eyes.
- In between size feet, I can never find shoes to fit.
2.Now you have you have this piece of paper, rip it into a million pieces. You don’t need to write anything down about what you hate, your all amazing, even with these “hang-ups”
3.Put on your favourite outfit, dresses, shorts, skirts- anything that will show you and your beautiful selves off. Mines this dress. It shows off my curviness and my legs which if I’m honest I love about myself. I love them even more when wearing a pair of heels for a night out.
4.This last step is the most important of them all. Go out. Get all your friends round and do it together, have a bottle of wine, write the silly lists and rip them up, get ready for a night out and then all together go show yourselves off, there is no point hiding behind closed doors. Who’s going to see you then?
What is the point of this exercise I hear you ask? Well it’s to prove you can all are beautiful no matter if you have wide hips, small breasts, flicky hair, bad skin.We are all perfect and we don’t need to be clones to prove it. Individuality is the key to life and don’t let anyone tell you different.
As a teenager we are always going to hate the way we look all because we want to look like the latest celebrities and follow the latest trends. I’m constantly worrying. It’s normal. Every person in existence is going to worry about the way they look once in their teenage years. We always have these niggles that something’s wrong .Nothing is wrong, everyone is their own being. and as the song goesIt's my lifeIt's now or neverI ain't gonna live forever I just wanna live while I'm alive. Live how you want to live, look how you want to look.
I'm heading up the activism & existing campaigns section of Positive Body Image Season here at BISB. I'm putting together a great long list of links to other people's established positivity campaigns, but in the meanwhile I'd like to head a course to positive old media (as in: TV and film) representations of complex body image issues.
Of course, that's pretty hard, because if mainstream media promoted that sort of thing the world wouldn't be in quite the state that it is. I swear, I'm an optimist! But I'm a future-orientated optimist; I'm not going to pretend that 'our' track record is "not as bad as all that".
So what I'm ACTUALLY going to do right here right now is highlight some existing media that doesn't necessarily come out swinging and singing the praises of normal, beautiful people but which points uncompromisingly at the problems caused by stringent beauty ideals and the enormous value put on the shallowest of judgments. Watch them, show them to people, and maybe, maybe, these hang-ups will start to dissolve.
What am I saying? Of course they will! Most of my dragons have been slain by thoughtful fiction. Trufax.
Pick one:
Since watching Oldboy (trailer), Save the Green Planet (trailer) and The Host (trailer) It's become a habit of mine to periodically search "korean movie trailer" on youtube and see which gems turn up. Last go, I stumbled across Beautiful.. whose trailer took my heart and squeezed it. Take a look.
In summary, the film is about a woman who is near-empirically (guess what) "Beautiful". And whilst that's nice in a vacuum, in the context of her life it causes her to be seen as extreme competition and fair game for uncouth comments and behaviour such as stalking. Eventually, one of them rapes her, and blames her and 'her beauty' for his actions. She decides that she needs to become "un-beautiful", and from there.. her life unravels further and further. With a little help from her 'friends'.
This doesn't sound like a happy film. It does look like a good one, though - it's an angle on beauty standards, misogyny (which, oh yes, is all tied up with mainstream body image issues), and the enormous control they can wield over people's real lives. Not a straight-up everywoman story, but not fantasy; touching enough nerves that I certainly can't ignore the truth of its message: in life, you have to be stronger than the expected average because there is too much at stake to allow these prejudices and assumptions and value judgements - that we apply to people every day - to remain unexamined. Don't be the lowest common denominator. Unchallenged beauty standards ruin lives (to greater or lesser degrees).
Body image is about identity, after all. There's no reason to attack someone for being who they are.
Incidentally, the Beautiful (or 아름답다, or Areumdapta) trailer reminded me of this: reading Jezebel last month, I came across this article, which talks about Mauritanian girl-children being force-fed, partly through torture, to make them fat enough to be desirable to prospective husbands. By their mothers. Oh, the many joys of patriarchy and human fallibility! Let us count them. And then destroy them.
Pick two:
Confession: I've never seen the movie Taxi Driver. But something within it is one of my favourite film happenings. I've never seen the film I'm talking about, but I have seen Heat Guy J. Heat Guy is an animated series of the type that looks basic and archetypal on the cover, seems weird and maybe a little bad in the first episode or two, and by the end is an enormous, glowing ball of visible inspirations re-mixed and originally worked into a brilliant, moving whole. The 'happening' I am talking about, the one from Taxi Driver, is shown on-screen in Heat Guy and seems to be effectively lifted from the film to the series. When I first saw it I had no idea about this and I loved it; it was a perfect moment for the show and the character. Now I know it's pinched, I may like it even more.
The happening is: a character shaves his hair into a mohawk to ready himself for a task looming ahead. Wikipedia suggests that the act of shaving isn't shown in the film (if this is wrong, let me know!), so here's the trailer. The difference is far towards the end.
Unfortunately I can't find Heat Guy's the shaving scene on youtube.. these stills will have to suffice.
[..hahaha I just realised i havent added these yet. Give me til tomorrow evening!]
I like this scene so much because it speaks to me and is straightforwardly plain: sometimes, a body needs to be a certain way to express the emotions that are boiling your soul. It doesn't matter if you're a big tuff gruff man, it doesn't matter if you're anything. If a person looks a certain way it may be necessary for them at that time - who are we to judge? The world requires an awful lot of conformity and compliancy sometimes and it should chill out.
I must point out here that having shaved head-sides does not mean that a person is going to shoot somebody, though. That is the metaphorical part - "doing a murder" = "slaying one's own demons" - in this analogue. For a real life example, when I moved back home after uni and started spending my days doing only housework and cooking, I did this to my hair:
I needed something jagged to balance the sudden domesticity. Taxi Driver and Heat Guy J remind us in a roundabout way that if you think someone looks weird, what you're actually noticing is that they just aren't you, but a real person all of their own.
Pick three:
Dawn French on Big Women. Degrees of fatness are the first, most obvious point when it comes to "Positive Body Image" themes. All that negativity that results from "obesity" being mistaken for and becoming interchangable with "ill health". We all know that prejudice against "fat people" is a hot topic, and I'm sure there's not much I could reasonably say on this subject that hasn't been said far better. The first part is here, but the whole thing is up on youtube. I found it really interesting, food for a lot of thought, and I think you might too.
This one, actually, is directly about beauty requirements (specifically in the UK). "Why should we have to starve to be seen as beautiful?" It's really interesting to see the fashion industry professionals talking about the "problems" with using bigger ladies in shoots. Because their words are so weedy. One guy thinks that "women today" don't have cellulite. HAHAHAHAA
This documentary was made in the 90s, as far as I can tell, but it hasn't stopped being relevant. I don't know that I need to say much here, because Ms French is directly addressing the facts rather than telling a story that includes them, but I will warn you that a couple of times she disses thin ladies and I don't want to be hearing any discussion of how that is "just as bad". It's not nice, but it isn't just as bad as going booooo fatties.
Also, watch right to the end of part five. It's worth it!
Here are a couple of links to read ahead of the Big Activism List, if you find yourself inclined towards a dislike of people with a larger bodily circumference that yourself: two
Pick four:
Chris Rock's Good hair. I had no idea what a weave was until the end of last year, when this documentary and Tyra Banks' weave-less TV appearances were dissected on Jezebel (I go there a lot). I had a vague idea of some of the base issues surrounding hair and race from 4thletter's David Brothers' posts on the matter (read those they are so good), but being white in a white-majority village in a white-majority country (never having had a black classmate, even) I had no push to realise that there is apparently a WORLD of intricacy and psychology involved in hairstyling. Again, I'm not sure I need/get to comment here. This is a documentary so it'll SAY what it wants to tell you, and really, what can I add? Even if you know the ins and outs of all this already, watching this might be cathartic. If you have no idea about various standards of hair, why keep yourself ignorant? Do you want to treasure the possibility of saying something crashingly insensitive some day?
Even if none of the body image angles in this post apply to you - say, you identify as an averagely attractive size ten east-asian who likes mainstream trends - I dare you to watch all of these and experience no new thoughts! Or any new empathy.
And aren't consideration and empathy requirements preceeding change of standards?
Expect your regularly-scheduled Florrie-post on the 13th! Get well soon, Florrie!
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